SF Inspiration #14: Resistance or Cooperating? – A Matter of Perspective
SF Inspiration #14: Resistance or Cooperating: A Matter of Perspective
Dominik Godat & Elfie J. Czerny
Photo Credit: Andreas Lattner
Restistance or Cooperating: A Matter of Perspective
This article first appeared in May 2024 in our monthly magazine Persönlichkeit – Schritt für Schritt entwickeln und entfalten, published by WEKA Business Media AG, under the title “Widerstand oder Kooperation? – Eine Wahl der Perspektive.”
Resistance is a question of perspective. If we primarily see “us” and “them,” the view of resistance follows logically. However, if we understand ourselves as part of a larger “we,” we see the world as a place of cooperating together. In this view, the concept of resistance dissolves.
Resistance is widely talked about. People who focus on resistance see it in every situation.
But what do we actually mean when we claim that others are in resistance? Ultimately, it means nothing more than: “Others are not doing what we would like them to do.” And we label that as resistance. This is a rather arrogant perspective, one where we view our ideas as more important and better than the ideas of others. What makes us devalue others just because they want something different?
When we adopt the concept of ‘resistance,’ we are often compelled to do something radical: We must break the resistance. We must convince others. We must exclude them. The concept of ‘resistance’ does not invite co-creation. On the contrary, it invites us to divide the world into those who cooperate and those who resist.
However, the idea of resistance is only possible if we separate people into ‘us and them,’ ‘the good and the bad,’ ‘we who want change and they who resist.’ If instead we redefine “us” by including others, it opens up the question of how we might find a shared path. This shift in perspective towards a new “us” took place in 1984.
The Death of Resistance
In the mid-1970s, Steve de Shazer, Insoo Kim Berg, and their team at the Brief Family Therapy Center (BFTC) in Milwaukee made a groundbreaking discovery that led Steve de Shazer to write the article “Death of Resistance” in 1978. At the time, like much of the therapy world, they still viewed the family as a system. From this perspective, the therapist was positioned outside the system, attempting to stimulate change through clever interventions. If the family responded positively to the therapist’s ideas, this was seen as a success. If they did not, the family was labelled as resistant. In other words: if the family did what the therapist considered helpful, they were regarded as cooperative; if they acted differently, they were seen as resistant. The therapist’s theories and interventions were treated as more important than what the family itself found meaningful. Only one perspective mattered: that of the therapist.
Gradually, this way of thinking changed. At the BFTC, they stopped viewing the family as a system separate from themselves and instead defined the entire therapy conversation — therapist and family together — as the system. With this radical shift, therapists became part of the system. The ‘I’ (the therapist) and ‘the others’ (the family) were transformed into a new ‘we.’ The family was now seen as a partner in therapy. The goal was no longer for the therapist to define interventions, but to find a shared path forward with the family. The ideas of both the family and the therapist were given equal importance. Families could express what they wanted and determine the next steps they wished to take. They were included — and when they chose a different path, they were no longer seen as ‘resistant.’
Taking People Seriously
The idea of resistance only makes sense if we elevate ourselves above others and regard our own opinions as more important than theirs. In doing so, we devalue not only others but also their ideas. We stop treating different perspectives as equally valid and place ourselves above them. When we fail to take others seriously, the division deepens. However, if we genuinely take others seriously and create a true ‘we,’ the concept of resistance no longer holds meaning.
Cooperating Instead of Resistance
The question then becomes: How can we best cooperate? What can each person contribute to our shared path? Every contribution is important and valued as part of cooperating — even if it differs from what we might currently see as ideal.
If we view resistance through the traditional lens, it feels like a tennis match where we stand on opposite sides of the net, trying to win, defeat the other, and outperform them. But if we create a shared ‘we,’ we are on the same side of the net, playing doubles. We develop joint strategies, support each other, step in when needed, and celebrate our successes together.
Good Reasons Instead of Resistance
If we focus on good reasons instead of resistance, we assume that people are always doing the best they can and are cooperating within their current possibilities. Sometimes, these possibilities align with what we want — and sometimes something else happens. And what happens does not always have to be harmonious. When people want something different, they have good reasons for their opinions and positions.
We do not need to devalue them or label them as resistant. Instead, we can take their views seriously and approach them with curiosity.
Rather than assuming sabotage, obstruction, or resistance, we can ask:
- What good reasons do they have for their view?
- What concerns do they have, and what would need to be considered to enable their support for the direction?
- What legitimate worries are they expressing?
- What might not yet have been heard?
- What is important to them?
- If they don’t want this, what do they want instead?
- What additional ideas do they have?
Through this lens, people previously labelled as ‘resistant’ become people with good reasons, concerns, or legitimate worries — people who may not yet have been fully heard, who value something important, who may want something different, or who bring other ideas.
By adopting this view, we not only take others seriously but also learn something essential about their values and perspectives. Often, this knowledge enables us to find even better ways to co-create.
Radical Acceptance
Adopting this perspective requires radical acceptance of others and their views. It means recognising that it is valid to see the world differently from how you see it — and that it is legitimate to want something else. If you could fully step into the other person’s world, you would likely make sense of many things in much the same way.
You can still hold a different opinion and advocate for your views. However, you no longer devalue the other person or deny the legitimacy of their perspective — and that is exactly what happens when we claim that others are ‘in resistance.’ Choosing cooperating over resistance means assuming that the other person’s view is just as valid and important as your own.
Resistance as a Choice
Resistance does not objectively exist. Rather, it is a choice of perspective. When others do not act as you would wish, you face a decision: Which perspective do you want to take? With the perspective of resistance, you elevate your viewpoint above others and fight against their ideas. With the perspective of cooperating, you integrate others’ perspectives and pave the way for genuine co-creation.
🌍 Celebrating Solution Focused World Day – May 3rd
Each year on May 3rd, practitioners worldwide celebrate Solution Focused World Day, honouring the spirit of Steve de Shazer’s transformative article “The Death of Resistance.”
Remarkably, before this pioneering work finally appeared in Family Process in March 1984, it was rejected 17 times over a five-year period and underwent six major revisions — without changing its central thesis or title. De Shazer’s article, along with the groundbreaking work of the team at the Brief Family Therapy Center (BFTC) in Milwaukee, fundamentally reshaped therapeutic thinking, shifting the focus from resistance to cooperating.
Today, this shift in perspective remains radical — not only in therapy but also in fields such as organisations, leadership, education, and beyond.
Join us in celebrating Solution Focused World Day together and in promoting collaboration, curiosity, and mutual respect across diverse contexts.
Background Sources:
de Shazer, Steve (1984). The death of resistance. Family Process, 23(1), 11–17.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.1984.00011.x
de Shazer, Steve (1989). Resistance revisited. Contemporary Family Therapy, 11(4), 227–233.
https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00919462
The Authors
Elfie Czerny and Dominik Godat are communication and leadership experts, Interactionalists, and passionate advocates of solution-focused practices.
They are co-editors of the magazine Persönlichkeit! and co-founders of SF on Tour. Together, they lead the expert leadership course Fachkurs für Lösungsfokussierte Führung at the Lucerne University of Applied Sciences and Arts.
👉 Learn more: www.hslu.ch/loesungsfokus



